I emerge from the depths that is Graduate work, alive yet lacking in motivation. Darkness looms on the horizon that is the continuation of my education as my need to student teach faces against the rigidness that is the administration of the school I work for. The unsettled-ness of the whole situation has me on edge, as I fucked up by waiting too long to speak to the administration because I thought it wasn’t a big deal, and now I may have to leave or put off my license for a time meaning more work as a paraprofessional for pathetic wages.
As such, my motivation for writing is dismally low. I did not complete Nanowrimo, I didn’t even get close. I believe I got over half and then I couldn’t keep space in my mind.
When I’m writing, really writing every day or nearly every day, the story is constantly in my head. I’m constantly running through it, going through the characters, the plot, thinking about what’s going to happen next, what conflicts might emerge, who might die or live or fight. I live the story while I’m writing it and I just didn’t have the time for it while finishing the semester of Graduate School. I apologize to my readers as I promised blog posts and went back on that promise quickly. Life is high expectations meeting reality. I’ve noticed I’m great at keeping my goals and expectations high but I’m not so good at recognizing reality’s , or perhaps my own, limitations.
I can’t promise more blog posts. I’m invested in my career and working to become a teacher and that comes before writing. If I write more blog posts, then I write more blog posts. I will say I’ve returned to the Novel I worked on in November, and reading through it has gotten me interested in continuing it, so that is a good sign.
Thank you for reading.